Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and togetherness, but for those grieving the death of a loved one, it can be a particularly challenging period. The constant reminders of the people no longer here can amplify feelings of loss and bring an even stronger sense of sadness to the festivities. 

If someone you care about is grieving during the Christmas holidays, knowing what to say – or what not to say – can be daunting. How do you offer comfort without saying the wrong thing? In this blog, we’ll explore compassionate ways to send a message to those grieving at Christmas. Whether through kind words or carefully chosen gifts, there are several thoughtful ways to show you care this festive season.  

What to write in a Christmas card for someone who’s grieving

Sending Christmas cards is a long-standing tradition for many people, with the world’s first recorded use of “Merry Christmas” sent in 1534. Even though writing a Christmas card for someone who is grieving can feel daunting, your words can bring great comfort. The important thing is to acknowledge their loss and show that you care. Avoid clichés like “time heals all wounds” or overly cheerful messages that may feel out of place. Instead, choose messages with sincerity and empathy. 

 Start with a heartfelt acknowledgement of their grief. For example: 

“I know this Christmas will be especially difficult for you without [loved one’s name]. Nothing I say can ease the pain, but I just want you to know I’m thinking of you and sending you love.” 

You may also want to include a brief memory or sentiment about the person who died to add even more meaning to your Christmas message: 

“[Name] brought so much joy to those around them, and their memory lives on in all of us who loved them. I fondly remember when [add a memory here]…” 

Remind the person grieving they’re not alone: “If you need anything or just want to talk, I’m always here for you.” 

End your message with a compassionate wish: “Wishing you peace and comfort this Christmas, and hoping you find moments of warmth and love amidst the grief.” 

Writing a message to someone who’s suffering the loss of a loved one is never easy. But if you find yourself staring at a blank page because you have no idea what to say or where to even start, let your message come from the heart. And remember – even if you don’t receive a reply, your effort to reach out will mean so much to the person who’s grieving.  

How to send a Christmas text or email

If you’re not one for sending Christmas cards, you may want to text or email a Christmas message instead. Sending a Christmas text or email to someone who’s grieving is a quick and kind way to let them know they’re in your thoughts. While an electronic message may feel less personal than a handwritten card, it can still offer comfort, especially during an emotionally charged Christmas period. 

As your texts and emails are likely to be shorter and more frequent, your message might include phrases like:  

 Tell your loved one not to worry about replying so they don’t have the added pressure of sending a message back. 

Christmas gift ideas for someone who’s coping with a bereavement

  1. Personalised keepsakes: A custom photo frame, an ornament or a piece of jewellery engraved with either their loved one’s name or a special date can be a touching way to honour the deceased’s memory. 

  2. Cosy self-care gifts: A soft blanket, a cosy pair of slippers, bubble bath or a scented candle are great self-care gifts that can provide physical comfort when things feel especially tough.

  3. A diary and stationery: A diary and accompanying stationery set can encourage your loved one to express their emotions and write down their feelings. This can be especially cathartic to those who struggle to talk about their feelings out loud. 

  4. Subscription services: There are many subscription services you could choose from, including meal boxes, TV streaming and monthly coffee pod deliveries. These can make life a little easier for the person grieving and give them something to look forward to.  

  5. A donation to charity: Donating to a charity that meant something to the deceased or which offered the person grieving support is a wonderful way to honour their memory. 

Join us for our Christmas Remembrance Service 

We understand that far from being a joyous time, Christmas can be challenging and even upsetting for those dealing with loss. Our Christmas Remembrance Service provides a space for you to reflect on precious memories surrounded by people who can relate to how you feel. Book your place at your nearest GreenAcres Park on 8th December 2024 and please stay for refreshments afterwards if you feel up to it. We hope to see you there.  

 

 

Christmas is a time of joy, celebration and spending time with loved ones. But for those dealing with a loss, it’s a time tinged with sadness. Christmas can bring grief to the forefront, serving as a painful reminder of the people who are no longer with us. Even if the death occurred many years ago, it’s important to understand how to support someone through their grief at Christmas so that they know they have someone to lean on should they need a friendly ear.

This blog will give you advice on what to say and what to do to help those who struggle with their grief at Christmas.

Don’t avoid speaking about Christmas

It’s natural to avoid speaking about Christmas if you don’t know how to approach the subject. But this can make the person who’s grieving feel more alone. Instead, it’s better to acknowledge that it will be a difficult time and that you’re always there for the person if they need support.

If you plan to send a Christmas card, write a message from the heart. Name the person who died and share a memory to help ease the pain. You may even raise a smile.

Reach out

While you’ve undoubtedly got a million things to think about before Christmas day, set aside some time to reach out to your friend or relative. A simple text or phone call can go a long way in making them feel less isolated when everyone around them is busy gearing up for the big day. Ask them how they’re feeling and allow them to speak about their loss if they feel up to it.

Try not to leave it too long in between texts. It’s easy to read a message and forget about it, intending to reply when you’re less busy. But keep the conversation going as long as your friend or family member needs.

Listen without interrupting

Those dealing with grief often find it hard to open up during the Christmas period. When everyone else is having fun going to Christmas parties and listening to festive music, they keep feelings bottled up to avoid bringing the mood down. Unfortunately, this ends up leaving their grief feeling far worse.

It’s important to offer your friend or relative the opportunity to get their emotions out. Allow the person grieving to speak about their feelings by creating a safe space for them to open up as honestly as they want to. Don’t interrupt, make comparisons or offer unwarranted advice. Simply make a cup of tea, provide the mince pies and lend a tentative ear.

Extend an invitation but support their choice

Christmas can be a lonely time for those suffering a loss. While your friend or family member may not be up for the festivities this year, extend an invitation so they know they’re welcome. It may be that they’d rather be on their own, but they’re bound to appreciate the thoughtful gesture, nonetheless. Likewise, if they choose to decline, respect their decision and try again the following year.

Christmas often loses its shine after a loss – at least in the immediate aftermath. Many people prefer to treat the 25th of December like any other day while they try to cope with their grief.

Offer help

If your friend or relative chooses to celebrate Christmas, offer to help them wrap gifts, prepare food or pick up last-minute stocking fillers. When people struggle, they tend to carry on regardless. The offer of help could be the thing they need to get through the festive period intact. Even if they don’t take you up on it, it’s a kind and thoughtful thing to do.

Keep the conversation going after Christmas

Grief is ongoing. Even when Christmas is over and done with, your friend or relative still has to deal with the tidal wave of emotions as time goes on. Remember to keep checking in on them beyond Christmas. It’s true that the festive period can be the most painful time, but grief is far from linear. They will appreciate your love and support, regardless of the season.

If you’re suffering from grief this Christmas or you know someone who is, you’re welcome to join us at your local GreenAcres Living Memorial Park for our Christmas Remembrance Service. Whether this is your first Christmas without this special person or the time of year that makes the memories that little bit harder, our Christmas Remembrance Service can be a lovely way to spend time reflecting.

It may also help to connect with others who have lost someone too. We have a wonderful nurturing community through our GreenAcres Bereavement Cafés, which run once a month in every Park; please see our events page for more information. Find out more by visiting the events page on our website.

Taking place from 9-15th October, Baby Loss Awareness Week is a time to raise awareness of pregnancy and baby loss. Among those affected are children who may have lost a much loved or much hoped-for sibling.

Children and young people grieve just as deeply as adults, but they show it in different ways. When your baby dies, it can feel difficult to know how to tell your child and support them.

We’re here to support you, so this blog will help you talk to children about grief and encourage them to share their feelings. Read on for more information.

Understanding how children may feel

After the death of a sibling, a child may feel a range of emotions, from sadness and anger to confusion and worry. They may also feel concerned that they or another family member might die.

Younger children often move in and out of their grief very rapidly, sometimes seeming sad and then suddenly wanting to play. This ‘puddle jumping’ is normal and is a young child’s way of coping with difficult emotions.

Children under five may show their distress with disrupted sleep, altered appetite and less interest in play. There may be a regression in skills such as language or toilet training, or they might become anxious about the dark when going to bed.

‘Magical thinking’ is a characteristic of primary age children meaning that they may believe their thoughts and actions caused someone to die or that somehow, they can make the person come back. Answering questions and giving age-appropriate information is key to supporting children at this age.

Teenagers may become withdrawn and ‘act out’ their distress through behaviours. Keeping to the usual boundaries of acceptable behaviour can be reassuring for bereaved young people and give them a sense of security when everything else might feel out of control.

As well as changes in behaviour, some children may react physically with headaches, stomach aches, anxiety, sleep problems and appetite loss.

With support from family, most children will not need professional help. However, if you have any concerns, you may find it helpful to talk to your GP or to seek help from a bereavement group.

Explain what has happened

It’s important to tell your child that your baby has died as soon as possible in a safe, comfortable and familiar environment. If telling your child feels overwhelming for you, enlist someone close to you to help break the news. Don’t be afraid to tell your child that you’re feeling upset and finding it hard to talk. It’s best to be as open and honest as possible.

How much detail you choose to share depends on your child’s age and understanding.  Let your instincts guide you and if you’re not sure what to say, ask your child what they know so that you can gauge their level of understanding, allowing them to steer the conversation if they feel confident enough. They’re likely to have questions, so try to answer them as best you can, or they may fill the gaps with scary or anxious thoughts.

Child Bereavement UK has resources that can help you find the right words, including telling a child someone has died and a short guidance film.

Use simple language

Try to use simple language that is appropriate to your child’s age and understanding. Avoid using euphemisms such as ‘sleeping’ which can suggest your baby will wake, or ‘lost’ which suggests they can be found. Instead, use real words such as ‘dead’ and ‘died’.  Child Bereavement UK suggests saying the following to a young child if a baby is stillborn, for instance: ‘While still inside mummy’s tummy our baby died before they were born, which is very sad.’

Depending on how old your child is, you may have to explain what has happened repeatedly as their understanding develops. As they get older and their understanding grows, a child may revisit their grief and have additional questions and concerns.

Show your emotions

Don’t be afraid to show your emotions in front of your child. It’s natural to want to put a brave face on, but it’s important to show that crying is a normal reaction to grief. Reassure your child that you’re not crying because of them or something they’ve done.  By sharing your feelings with your child, you can demonstrate that it’s OK to show sadness. If you are open, your child will feel able to share their emotions too.

Encourage your child to grieve

Finding ways to remember their baby brother or sister is an important part of the grieving process. Encourage them to draw pictures, make a memory box or write a letter to their sibling. These small things can help them maintain a connection with their sibling and gives them a chance to say goodbye.  Child Bereavement UK’s animation, Remembering someone special who has died, suggests ways children and young people can remember someone important to them who has died.

A very young child, toddler, or even a baby can go to a funeral with the rest of the family. Although they may not understand what is happening at the time, when they are older, they will appreciate that they were a part of this important event along with everyone else. Ask someone close to your child to join you in case your child gets upset or becomes restless and wants to go out. It may be hard to have to deal with your own grief and theirs.

Child Bereavement UK has created two animations which can help you prepare a child for a funeral – Explaining funerals to children -what happens at a burial? and Explaining funerals to children- what happens at a cremation?

Maintain a routine

Children feel safe and comforted by following a routine. While your days may look slightly different, if possible, try to keep certain things the same – like a daily bath, a trip to the park or a bedtime story. Maintaining familiarity is reassuring for children – especially at a younger age. If you need to be away for any time, let your child know for how long and who will be looking after them.

Ask for help

Don’t be afraid to ask a loved one for help. For example, a grandparent or friend may be able to take your children to school, giving you some time and space to grieve and to try to find time to look after yourself.

There are also many charities and support groups that you can turn to. For example, Child Bereavement UK provides confidential support, information and guidance to individuals, families and professionals throughout the UK. The support team is available to respond to calls, Live Chat or email from 9am – 5pm, Monday to Friday (except bank holidays).  Call 0800 02 888 40 or email helpline@childbereavementuk.org.  For Live Chat, click here.

Join us for our Baby Loss Service

Now in its 22nd year, Baby Loss Awareness Week is a wonderful opportunity to bring our community together and give everyone touched by the loss of a baby a safe and supportive space to share their experiences and feel they are not alone. Join us and other families for our special services at our Living Memorial Parks and light a candle in memory of all babies that have gone too soon. Please join us after the service for tea and cake. Everyone is welcome!

Services will be taking place in Chiltern, Epping and Kemnal Park. Book onto a service here.

Visit Child Bereavement UK’s website for more information and guidance on supporting a child or young person when a baby dies.