Christmas is a time of joy, celebration and spending time with loved ones. But for those dealing with a loss, it’s a time tinged with sadness. Christmas can bring grief to the forefront, serving as a painful reminder of the people who are no longer with us. Even if the death occurred many years ago, it’s important to understand how to support someone through their grief at Christmas so that they know they have someone to lean on should they need a friendly ear.
This blog will give you advice on what to say and what to do to help those who struggle with their grief at Christmas.
Don’t avoid speaking about Christmas
It’s natural to avoid speaking about Christmas if you don’t know how to approach the subject. But this can make the person who’s grieving feel more alone. Instead, it’s better to acknowledge that it will be a difficult time and that you’re always there for the person if they need support.
If you plan to send a Christmas card, write a message from the heart. Name the person who died and share a memory to help ease the pain. You may even raise a smile.
Reach out
While you’ve undoubtedly got a million things to think about before Christmas day, set aside some time to reach out to your friend or relative. A simple text or phone call can go a long way in making them feel less isolated when everyone around them is busy gearing up for the big day. Ask them how they’re feeling and allow them to speak about their loss if they feel up to it.
Try not to leave it too long in between texts. It’s easy to read a message and forget about it, intending to reply when you’re less busy. But keep the conversation going as long as your friend or family member needs.
Listen without interrupting
Those dealing with grief often find it hard to open up during the Christmas period. When everyone else is having fun going to Christmas parties and listening to festive music, they keep feelings bottled up to avoid bringing the mood down. Unfortunately, this ends up leaving their grief feeling far worse.
It’s important to offer your friend or relative the opportunity to get their emotions out. Allow the person grieving to speak about their feelings by creating a safe space for them to open up as honestly as they want to. Don’t interrupt, make comparisons or offer unwarranted advice. Simply make a cup of tea, provide the mince pies and lend a tentative ear.
Extend an invitation but support their choice
Christmas can be a lonely time for those suffering a loss. While your friend or family member may not be up for the festivities this year, extend an invitation so they know they’re welcome. It may be that they’d rather be on their own, but they’re bound to appreciate the thoughtful gesture, nonetheless. Likewise, if they choose to decline, respect their decision and try again the following year.
Christmas often loses its shine after a loss – at least in the immediate aftermath. Many people prefer to treat the 25th of December like any other day while they try to cope with their grief.
Offer help
If your friend or relative chooses to celebrate Christmas, offer to help them wrap gifts, prepare food or pick up last-minute stocking fillers. When people struggle, they tend to carry on regardless. The offer of help could be the thing they need to get through the festive period intact. Even if they don’t take you up on it, it’s a kind and thoughtful thing to do.
Keep the conversation going after Christmas
Grief is ongoing. Even when Christmas is over and done with, your friend or relative still has to deal with the tidal wave of emotions as time goes on. Remember to keep checking in on them beyond Christmas. It’s true that the festive period can be the most painful time, but grief is far from linear. They will appreciate your love and support, regardless of the season.
If you’re suffering from grief this Christmas or you know someone who is, you’re welcome to join us at your local GreenAcres Living Memorial Park for our Christmas Remembrance Service. Whether this is your first Christmas without this special person or the time of year that makes the memories that little bit harder, our Christmas Remembrance Service can be a lovely way to spend time reflecting.
It may also help to connect with others who have lost someone too. We have a wonderful nurturing community through our GreenAcres Bereavement Cafés, which run once a month in every Park; please see our events page for more information. Find out more by visiting the events page on our website.
Getting through Christmas after a bereavement is difficult enough without having to cope with New Year celebrations, too. While most of us look forward a fresh start with excitement about what’s to come, those suffering from grief are often left reflecting on happier times.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or daunted about the prospect of a new year without the person you lost, we’ve got advice on how to cope. Read on for more.
Give yourself some time to rest
Whether you celebrated Christmas or decided to give the festivities a miss, the build-up is still a chaotic time. Coupled with the exhaustion of grief, it’s more important than ever that you give yourself enough time to recover – both mentally and physically.
That doesn’t mean you have to slow down or stop what you’re doing altogether – you just need to take some time to rebuild. Eat healthy meals, get plenty of sleep, enjoy some light exercise and, most importantly, try not to pack your social calendar with too many activities. That way, you’re not putting yourself under too much pressure to get back to some kind of normality before you’re ready.
Reach out to friends and family
It’s not always easy to talk to friends and family about grief, but sharing memories about your loved one can help bring a sense of closure. Talking to those that knew the deceased can also make the loss feel slightly less overwhelming. Ignoring your grief will only worsen the pain, causing you to go into the new year with an uphill battle to climb.
This New Year, you might like to swap the celebrations for a night in sharing fond memories with your loved ones. And if you’re feeling up to it, why not raise a toast to the person who passed?
Attend a support group
When you lose someone you love, meeting others who can relate to how you feel can help. Our Bereavement Cafés offer a kind, supportive space with understanding from others who are also living life after loss. We promise you a warm welcome from our experienced and compassionate team, along with tea, coffee and cake! This event is free for anyone bereaved in the local community surrounding the Park – just turn up at an event that suits you.
We’re hosting plenty of other grief events over the next year, too, so feel free to get involved as often as you like.
Be brave and try something new
Bereavement is a difficult process to go through, but dealing with a loss also brings new beginnings. If you’re feeling brave, why not use this opportunity to try something you’ve never done before? You could take up that hobby you’ve always wanted to do, or join a community – like a book club or walking group. Many of our Bereavement Café attendees say that while building new connections is scary, meeting like-minded people can be a positive experience.
Live one day at a time
Instead of looking too far into the new year, take each day as it comes. We’re all guilty of putting too much pressure on ourselves to meet goals, make plans and chase self-improvement on January 1st. But when coping with grief, this only adds to the suffering.
This year, ditch the New Year’s resolutions and switch your focus to self-care. You could pick up a good book, indulge in your favourite hobby or complete a new skincare routine. If you do want to make a couple of resolutions, however, make them achievable and don’t worry if you need to abandon them later on down the line.
Don’t feel guilty about saying no
As you go into a new year, keep reminding yourself it’s okay to say no. If you’re invited out but don’t feel like going, you don’t need to feel guilty for turning the invite down. Instead, it’s important that you take life at a pace you’re comfortable with, which may involve spending some time on your own to grieve.
Try meditation
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed at any point during the new year, why not try some easy 5-minute meditation techniques? It doesn’t matter if you haven’t meditated before – just use your instincts to guide you. These steps will help get you started:
- Place some cushions on the floor and lie on your back. Close your eyes and start breathing in and out slowly, becoming attuned to your body.
- As soon as you’re ready, imagine you’re rising above yourself and looking down.
- Pay close attention to everything you’re feeling at that moment. Allow the thoughts and feelings to progress, even if they don’t make sense.
- Then, centre your thoughts back to your breathing. Feel the rise and fall of your chest. Keep taking deep breaths in and out. Stay like this for a few minutes – or longer, if you need it.
- When you’re ready, imagine yourself returning to your body and slowly open your eyes. Give yourself a few seconds to adjust before attempting to get up.
At GreenAcres Living Memorial Parks, you’re never alone. You can find a range of helpful blog posts to guide you through your grief on our website.
You’ll also find a wealth of resources over on The Grief Channel. The Grief Channel is dedicated to normalising conversations around grief, death and dying. Grief can be incredibly tough, but is a natural part of life and can be transformative, instead of being something to be feared and locked away. Their mission is to share knowledge and stories that people can relate to, and to provide solace and support.
Listening to other people’s experiences can be a real comfort, too – particularly if you’re struggling to focus. Cruse Bereavement Group has put together a list of podcasts to help with grief and loss. It covers everything, from insightful interviews to funny discussions with comedians.