When someone dies, you may want to send their loved ones a message of sympathy. But finding the right words can be extremely difficult, especially if you find yourself overthinking what to say.
While many of us worry about writing the wrong thing, there’s no ‘right’ way to express your condolences. A short message to show that you’re thinking of the friends and family members left behind is more than enough. After all, it’s the thought that counts the most.
If you’re struggling to write a message of sympathy, we’ve got some tips and advice on what to think about along with some ideas to get you started.
Hand write the letter
While you can type up a letter or buy pre-written sympathy cards, it’s far more personal if you hand write your message of sympathy. You can write the message inside a card if you wish, but try to include a more personalised note mentioning the deceased if you can.
A hand written message feels more sincere, and is a respectful way to show how the person who died left a lasting impression.
Keep it simple
Your message of sympathy doesn’t have to be long. As long as you write your letter from the heart, you can show you care in a few simple words.
If you’re struggling to find the right thing to say, think about what you might like to read if you were in the other person’s shoes. You won’t be able to ease their pain, but you can at least let them know you’re thinking of them in this difficult time.
Acknowledge their loss
When someone dies, it’s natural to feel unsure about how to approach the situation. While you don’t need to talk about how the person died, acknowledge the loss and express how sorry you are. Tiptoeing around the subject can make things feel more painful for the bereaved.
You could say something like:
- “I was saddened to learn about the passing of…”
- “I want to let you know how sorry I am for your loss”
- “Please accept my deepest condolences”
- “I’m sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you”
Some people find it hard to accept condolences, but it still helps to know that the person who died was loved and respected. Whatever you write, let your heart guide you. You can always go back and tweak your message in a second draft if you need to.
Share a memory
Writing about a fond memory you have of the person who died may bring some comfort to the bereaved. Sharing memories is also one of the best ways to keep their spirit alive.
By expressing how those memories made you feel in your message of sympathy, you can bring a few moments of happiness to the bereaved. You may also remind yourself of some fond times in the process. This can help you with your own grieving process.
Offer your support
If you’re in a position to help the bereaved, let them know in your sympathy message. They’re bound to have lots to sort out, so they may be happy to take you up on your offer. You could offer to do the weekly shop, bring them some homecooked meals or help with the funeral arrangements.
If you make any promises, be sure to keep them. The bereaved will need people they can rely on when times get tough.
Finish the message with kind and compassionate words
End your message with a few thoughtful words to reiterate your support and condolences. At this point, try to avoid giving words of advice. Though you undoubtedly mean well, everyone grieves differently. What worked for you may not work for them. Instead, you could say something like:
- “You’re in our thoughts”
- “With our deepest condolences”
- “Our heart goes out to you”
- “Please accept our condolences”
Leave an address so that the bereaved can reach you if they wish to get in contact.
If you’re dealing with grief, we’re here to help. You may find it helpful to connect with others who have lost someone too. We have a wonderful nurturing community through our Bereavement Cafés, which run once a month in every Park; please see our events page for more information. Find out more by visiting the events page on our website.
Even though we don’t often think about our death and what happens afterwards, more and more people are planning how and where they’d like to be remembered. If you’re thinking about planning your own funeral or want to find out more about the benefits of doing so, we’ve pulled together this handy blog on why pre-planning your funeral is a good thing to do.
1. You’ll be able to save yourself and your family money
Funerals – whether unexpected or not – are often a considerable expense to families. By pre-planning, you can relieve your loved ones from the burden of footing the bill during an already-difficult time. Plus, by thinking about things before the time comes, you can pay off your funeral over a longer period, allowing you to spread the cost into more manageable chunks. You also won’t need to worry about inflation making your funeral more expensive.
Some Funeral Directors offer payment plans that you can benefit from, so it’s well worth having a chat with yours (if you decide to use one) before you put down a deposit. You can find out more about funerals plans here.
2. You can have your funeral exactly as you want it
Your loved ones will no doubt honour you as best as they can, but unless you’ve spoken to them about your wishes beforehand, they might have some ideas of their own. By pre-planning your service, you can have it exactly as you want it. Whether you have a particular theme in mind or want your guests to wear a certain colour, you can set out what you want before the funeral, giving yourself the send-off you deserve.
3. You’ll have time to make important decisions
Pre-planning your funeral means you can slow down and take some time to think about what you actually want. When loved ones are left to plan a funeral, the finer details are often overlooked due to it being a highly emotional time. Some people also struggle to know what to do under pressure.
Instead of hasty decision-making, you’ll have the opportunity to shop around, find companies that meet your values and plan your funeral at a pace that suits you.
4. You’ll save your loved ones from unnecessary stress
Planning a funeral isn’t easy – especially during the early stages of grief. By getting your affairs in order before you die, you can ease your family’s stress by taking away the burden of funeral planning. You may also take some comfort in knowing everything is taken care of before the time comes.
5. You can relieve your loved ones of making complex decisions
If you’re religious, have spiritual beliefs or want a particular kind of service, pre-planning means you can take care of the trickier elements of funeral planning. It’s not uncommon for friends and family members to make mistakes when they’re grieving. Choosing what you want and how you want it removes the risk of oversights, giving you peace of mind that your wishes are taken care of.
To find out more about pre-planning your funeral, such as what to think about, take a look at our step-by-step pre-planning guide. If you’d like to plan ahead, pre-purchased plots can now be acquired with a GreenAcres instalment plan. Simply secure the space you want at today’s prices and pay it back over 10 months with no added interest. For more information, please speak to a member of the team at your local Park.
With more and more of us developing an awareness of our environmental impact, living life consciously is becoming the norm. Many of us are careful to reduce waste, our use of plastic and our carbon footprint, but did you know that we can make our funerals less harmful to the environment, too?
Sustainability is incredibly important to us at GreenAcres Living Memorial Parks. Now that eco-friendly funerals are more popular than ever, we want to talk you through what we’re doing to offer you and your family more choice while making our Parks greener, more sustainable and kinder to the environment.
What are eco burials?
Eco-friendly burials have less impact on the environment than traditional burials and offer a more natural setting for memorial services. Green burials – or natural burials as they’re also known – go one step further, having as little impact on the environment as possible.
Eco burials prioritise natural, biodegradable materials – like UK-produced cardboard coffins and simple shrouds – over materials that have a detrimental effect on the earth. Those having eco burials recognise that fewer vehicles and minimal travelling means fewer emissions. They choose coffins and eco-friendly decorations that haven’t travelled from overseas to keep their carbon footprint to a minimum, too.
When planning a funeral, be sure to ask your Funeral Director about the green credentials of your choices before you commit.
Eco-friendly burials at GreenAcres
We have six tranquil Parks, each with a unique and enchanting atmosphere. Set amidst acres of woodland and carefully maintained grounds, each one provides a beautiful setting for your final resting place, with many opportunities to represent the way you wish to be remembered for years to come.
When it comes to your funeral, we believe that everyone should have a choice about how they’re buried and be armed with the information to make the right decision. That’s exactly what we aim to provide. We also want to be kind to the environment, which is why we’re continuing to reduce and neutralise emissions to achieve net zero across our entire business.
We’re still on a journey, but the smallest steps can still make a difference.
How to make a cremation kinder to the planet
While cremations are a popular choice, they use large amounts of energy and produce lots of excess CO². For that reason, cremations are not considered as green as eco burials.
However, seeing as 78% of people are cremated in the UK, it’s important that we use eco-friendly cremation methods wherever possible. At GreenAcres, we have no cremators on site and instead work with partners in our local area to make use of unused capacity. This is kinder to the environment, as it means we’re not firing up and running another gas machine that would also not be running at full capacity.
Electric cremators are being more widely used across the UK, too. Electric cremators produce fewer carbon emissions than gas cremators, making them a little more energy-efficient. At GreenAcres, we use electric cremators wherever possible to help minimise our environmental impact during cremations as much as we can.
Ways to have a sustainable burial
If you want to minimise the impact your burial will have on the environment, think about the following things when planning your own or a loved one’s funeral:
Choose a natural coffin
The choice of coffin is a very personal one. Eco coffins made from cardboard, willow, local wicker and UK solid wood are considered better for the environment and are acceptable at all of our Parks. Many people also opt for a simple shroud made from natural fabric that won’t harm the environment. We accommodate shroud burials at our Parks, which avoids some of the issues associated with certain coffin materials.
Our eco and conservation policies mean metal caskets or zinc-lined coffins cannot be interred (placed in a grave) or used for a cremation service.
Don’t embalm the body if not necessary
Choosing not to embalm a person is kinder to the environment. Formaldehyde and other chemicals used for embalming can leak into the soil after a burial, impacting the land around it. If you don’t need to delay a funeral, you may want to skip the embalming process to make the burial as natural as possible.
That being said, at GreenAcres, we believe that people should have a choice. We understand that embalming is important for some families, so we don’t refuse bodies that have been embalmed.
Have a woodland burial
A woodland burial is a more natural alternative to a traditional burial or cremation. Whether you’re planning a full burial service or a graveside or committal service, you can arrange a woodland burial at each one of our Parks.
Our tranquil and beautiful Parks are the perfect place for you to say your goodbyes and reflect on precious memories with your loved ones time and time again. Our families take great comfort from knowing that this landscape will be sustained, enhanced and preserved for future generations – making GreenAcres the perfect place to rest and visit for years to come.
Minimise travel by car sharing
You can use our facilities and the surrounding meadow and woodland in many ways. This includes holding a smaller service at the burial site to minimise travel between venues. You could also encourage mourners to car share to the venue, travelling in as few vehicles to the burial site as possible. This will help keep emissions to a minimum.
Plant a tree in memory instead of using a headstone
Instead of using an imported headstone, you can add to the natural landscape by planting a memorial tree. Available at GreenAcres, a Living Memorial Tree will last for generations and serves as a living legacy to your loved one. The first set of ashes are scattered with a sapling tree. Once they’re interred beneath the root-ball, ashes from other loved ones within the family can be added around the tree as it grows to be a big and magnificent tribute.
In some Parks we are also able to offer a dedicated standard Rose Bush. This provides the perfect opportunity for family ashes to be interred close to the roots in a biodegradable urn, where they can live on through the beautiful roses.
If you’d prefer a headstone, why not opt for a wooden memorial? 87% of our memorials are wooden, and five of our Parks have no imported granite or marble, making wood a kinder option for nature. We also offer local UK stone, if that’s what you’d prefer.
Whatever your wishes, we are here to work with you and your Funeral Director to give you a personalised service and the support you need to plan an eco-burial. Get in touch with us to find out more.
For many, Mother’s Day represents a day of celebrations. But if you’ve lost your mum or mother-figure, or you are a mother who has lost a child, it can be a day filled with grief and sadness. Even the simplest things can remind us of the loved ones we’ve lost, which is why it’s important to take care of yourself as Mother’s Day approaches. We’ve collected together some advice to help you cope with this difficult time while you’re grieving for a lost loved one.
Don’t feel pressured
Families often make plans to celebrate Mother’s Day. However, you don’t need to feel pressured to join in with them. Family and friends may invite you along to stop you from feeling left out, but they will understand if you don’t feel up to it. It’s OK to say no and it’s OK not to be OK. Instead, do things that you feel are right for you – like being close to nature and having a walk, watching a film or listening to music that brings you happy memories or distracting yourself with your favourite hobbies.
Write down how you’re feeling
If you struggle to articulate how you feel, you could write your feelings down in a letter or card. Grief isn’t always an easy thing to make sense of, but giving yourself a chance to think about how you feel can help you cope with your grief – particularly when it’s more heightened around Mother’s Day.
Share your loved ones memory
Sharing memories of your loved one with family and friends is a wonderful way to honour them on Mother’s Day. You could get together over a cup of tea or start an online chat if you don’t feel up to seeing people. If you’ve turned your mum’s social media accounts into an online memorial, you can share tributes on there, too. There are also many online communities that bring comfort by sharing supportive messages on grief and loss, like Grief Speaks Out.
Hold a memorial service
You may take solace from holding a memorial service for your loved one on Mother’s Day. The service doesn’t have to be anything big. Simply lighting a candle or planting a beautiful plant are great ways to remember that special person.
Get support at our monthly GreenAcres Bereavement Groups
When you lose someone you love meeting others who can relate to how you feel can help. We offer a kind, supportive space with understanding from others who are also living life after loss.
Often it is difficult to walk through the door to somewhere new especially when you are grieving. We promise you a warm welcome from our experienced and compassionate team along with tea, coffee and cake. For more information, click here.
Join us for our Mother’s Day event
Please join us at your local Park on the 19th of March between 11am-12pm as we come together to celebrate the special people we’ve lost. Spend precious time together as a family to honour and remember the things you loved about your loved one in a peaceful, quiet and reflective setting.
We also invite you to join us afterwards and have a Cuppa for Cruse in aid of their work that strives for everyone grieving to get the support they need, when they need it.
Find out more about our Mother’s Day event here.
It has been a very special and busy tree planting season for GreenAcres teams! From October 2021 to March 2022, Parks across the UK have taken part in The Queen’s Green Canopy (QGC). This unique tree planting initiative marks Her Majesty’s Platinum Jubilee in 2022. It encourages people across the United Kingdom to “Plant a Tree for the Jubilee.”
The Parks have been proud to be part of creating a legacy in honour of The Queen’s leadership of the Nation, which will benefit future generations. They invited some wonderful people to plant trees from all walks of life, who shared their thoughts on what being involved in the project meant to them.
Rainford Park in Merseyside was joined in November 2021 by Lord Derby, well-known across the Liverpool area as the owner of the beautiful Knowsley Hall and Knowsley Safari.
He shared his thoughts on planting the tree at GreenAcres: “Trees are absolutely vital for our survival. Without them we would literally have no oxygen to breathe, and humanity would die. So planting trees is a fabulous legacy for this Jubilee project. Her Majesty has been like a magnificent oak tree – solid, dependable, always there acting with integrity, and has a real interest in everybody she meets”
February 2022 saw Kemnal Park in Kent welcoming local Reverend Trevor Wyatt, Chairperson of Bexley Interfaith Forum: “I believe that The Queen has been the most exemplary example of Christian service to our nation and to the wider world. She has been a figure of unity for the UK and has been able to bring people together, from across all faith traditions and none, particularly when we have faced challenging times. Planting this tree is a tangible sign of our support for Her Majesty and all she has done. It is also a sign of our commitment to act for the good of the environment and the future of our planet.”
The remaining four Parks planted their trees in March 2022. Perhaps the most moving occasion was with Sir Trevor Phillips as he joined the team to plant a tree at Epping Forest Park in Essex, the final resting place of his eldest daughter, and holds a very special place in the hearts of his family. Sir Trevor poignantly commented, “This particular location carries three separate meanings for me. First, the human race faces two great challenges: how we live with our planet and live with each other. Of course, the central mission at GreenAcres is to preserve and enhance the natural environment, and the Queen’s Green Canopy will be a huge contribution to that mission.
Second, the tree honours Her Majesty and her decades of service. Particularly her role in reminding us that we are one nation with all our diversity.
And third, this is the final home of my elder daughter and will probably be my own. Preserving our species is not just a matter of keeping our physical beings alive. It is, even more importantly, an act of memory that holds the human story alive and a marker that will encourage those who come after us to tell our stories for ages to come.”
Heatherley Wood Park in Hampshire had a fun time with the House Captains from local Grayshott CE Primary School. The House Captains enjoyed a lot the tree planting. Also, showed off some of the skills learnt from their school’s gardening and allotment club.
There was a distinctly royal feel at Colney Park in Norfolk and Chiltern Park in Buckinghamshire, which was both lucky enough to have one of The Queen’s representatives for their counties to plant the trees.
Carol Bundock, Deputy Lieutenant of Norfolk, commented on the environmental legacy of the Queen’s Green Canopy. She said, “It is a wonderful way of celebrating the Platinum Jubilee. What better place to plant a tree than here at GreenAcres Colney. A place of peace and tranquillity, with nature all around. I’ve conducted many services here as a Celebrant, and I think it totally fitting that another tree is added to the existing green canopy.”
Countess Elizabeth Howe, Lord-Lieutenant of Buckinghamshire shared her thoughts on the service The Queen had given the UK:
“She has given dedicated service to this country, the Commonwealth and the world for 70 years. Not only is she the longest reigning monarch in our history but she leaves an extraordinary legacy. She has the deepest affection and utmost respect for all, whose lives she has touched.”
The Parks will remember the people and the stories behind the planting of these special trees for years to come. And they will be there for future generations to enjoy as they grow and flourish. You can visit the new areas created at any time during Park open hours. Look out for the beautiful Queen’s Green Canopy commemorative plaques in Welsh slate marking them!