Experiencing a death can make the ‘firsts’ of everything incredibly difficult.  

The first Christmas, birthday and anniversary of a loved one passing often remind us of the people we lost, forcing us to face up to the fact they’re no longer with us. But while these occasions can be painful, they also offer us the chance to reflect on precious memories and commemorate our loved ones, giving these occasions a brand-new meaning.  

It’s normal to feel sad, lost and even angry in the run-up to a special event – but you should never feel bad for celebrating. While there’s no right or wrong way to approach anniversaries and occasions after a death, we’ve got some tips on how to handle them.  

Plan the day in advance  

You can help prevent unwanted heartache by planning your celebration in advance. You might want to get the whole family together to celebrate the day – or perhaps you’d feel more comfortable watching films and eating nice food by yourself. Whatever you decide, figuring out the itinerary in advance will help empower you to cope with your feelings in the way you feel most able.  

It’s important to be kind to yourself if you feel like changing your plans on the day. Similarly, if you agree to go to an event but don’t feel up to it, don’t be hard on yourself. You have to take things at your own pace. Your nearest and dearest will understand. 

Write your feelings in a journal 

In the run-up to a first event, it’s not unusual to have endless thoughts running through your head. You may feel fine one minute and upset about the thought of your loved one not being there the next. To help channel your feelings, try writing down how you feel. You might want to focus on: 

• The challenges you’re facing 
• How you’re trying to overcome them 
• What’s making you feel most stressed out 
• What you hope to achieve over the next year 
• What’s made you feel good recently? It could be something as simple as a walk in the woods, feeling the sunshine on your face or having a laugh with a friend 

You might also find it helpful to write your loved one a letter with everything you’d say to them if they were still alive. Take the letter to their grave or tuck it somewhere safe – like in a memory box or memorial. That way, you’ll feel closer to them.  

Respect other people’s wishes 

During Christmas, Easter and other shared events, you might find that your family and friends want to celebrate it differently to you. People deal with grief differently – and that’s completely okay. The important thing is to respect their wishes but also be sure to do what’s right for you. You don’t need to do anything you’re not comfortable with – and the same applies to your loved ones. You can all celebrate in different ways and come together when you’re ready to do so. 

Find ways to honour their memory 

Your loved one may have passed away, but that doesn’t mean you have to forget about them. By honoring their memory, you can include them as part of your celebrations long after they’re gone. You can do this by dedicating time to put flowers on their grave, doing something they loved or sharing stories about them with your friends and family. Plus, anniversaries and birthdays can allow you to reflect on precious memories, serving as a day to celebrate their legacy for years to come. 

Start new traditions 

It may help you to cope with your grief by starting new traditions. Time moves on, and so does the way we honour our loved ones. You could watch their favourite film on their birthday or cook their favourite meal. Whatever you do, it doesn’t have to be anything big. Try to find something that reflects them and their personality and it’ll feel like they’re with you in spirit. 

Embrace your tears 

If you feel sad and need a good cry, it’s better to let your emotions out than keep them bottled up. Tears aren’t a negative thing – they show how much you care. Crying can be healthy, so let your emotions guide you as you navigate through the first events after their death.  

However you’re feeling, you never have to grieve alone. Our Bereavement Cafés are held within the beautiful landscapes of our Parks where you can feel the uplifting and healing power of nature around you. You will find a kind, supportive space with understanding from others who are also living life after loss. We provide additional resources including a collection of grief books and signposting information to other bereavement organisations.

We promise you a warm welcome from our experienced and compassionate team along with tea, coffee and cake! This event is FREE for anyone bereaved in the local community surrounding the Park. Find your nearest event here. 

Gone are the days when funerals meant mourners wore dark colours, sang hymns and were led by a religious official in a place of worship. Today, funerals are becoming a more personal affair, with the deceased having a much bigger say in what they want to happen at their funeral before they die.  

Tradition isn’t for everyone. Whether you’re planning your own funeral or organising a ceremony for someone you love, here are some ways you can make it more personal to reflect the life that was lived.  

Ask mourners to wear bright colours 

One of the most common ways to personalise a funeral is to ask mourners to wear bright colours. Bright colours are typically seen as a celebration of life, bringing comfort to those who are mourning and feeling anxious about the ceremony. 

According to a study by YouGov in 2016, only 22% of people see black funeral attire as a requirement at funerals, with a further 29% believing any colour is acceptable. You may want to specify a specific shade – perhaps your loved one’s favourite colour. Or you could even suggest that mourners wear the colours of the football team your loved one supported in life. Sometimes ‘anything but black’ is enough of a steer to help people decide what to wear.  

One of our Park Managers shared this heart-warming story with us about one of the funerals held in their Park: 

“One that sticks out for me at Chiltern is a lady who had a service and burial. She was super flamboyant and extremely colourful in all aspects of her life – from how she dressed to the colour of her hair. All the guests were dressed in many different colours. Her daughter also wanted to do something special and found a beautiful multi-coloured horse and carriage to take her mum to her final resting place. It was such a beautiful service, and it was an honour to help the family.” 

Choose a unique coffin  

You can make a coffin as unique as you’d like it to be. From bright colours and bespoke themes to prints and sporting crests, there’s no end to the options available to you.  

There are picture coffins to consider, too. These are coffins adorned with a particular picture that takes inspiration from the deceased’s favourite places, hobbies, or sports. You can even have their favourite photograph printed onto the coffin, serving as a celebration of their life long after they’re gone.  

Create a unique floral display 

Celebrate your loved one’s passions by creating a unique floral display. You could create an open book floral arrangement as a tribute to a bookworm, or have the flowers arranged as an instrument to celebrate a musician. If your loved one was a keen gardener, why not include their favourite flowers and plants from their own garden?  

No idea is too difficult for the right florist. Talk to a local funeral florist about your ideas, and they’ll find a way to bring them to life.  

Have a civil ceremony led by a celebrant or humanist 

Funerals led by a celebrant or humanist are now very popular. Humanist ceremonies tend to be non-religious, which is one of the main reasons why people choose to have one. Civil celebrants tailor the service entirely to the deceased’s wishes, allowing them to have as much or as little religious content as they like. Both types of ceremony can be spiritual and are fully flexible to represent the life you or your loved one lived.  

Use alternative transport to a hearse 

A traditional hearse is most widely used to carry a coffin to a funeral, but there are several companies in the UK – like Morton’s Funeral Hire , TCribb and Bennetts Funeral Directors – that specialise in transforming unique modes of transport into hearses with enough space to hold a coffin. Instead of a classic hearse, you could choose a: 

• VW Campervan 
• Classic Mini 
• Rolls Royce 
• Morris Minor 
• Austin 6CWT Van 
• Jaguar 
• Military vehicle 
• Vintage lorry
• Motorcycle 

You could even choose a traditional horse-drawn glass hearse, giving your loved one the magical send-off they deserve. Speak to your local funeral director to discuss your requirements in detail and see what’s possible.

Add personal finishing touches 

Here are some finishing touches you might want to consider to make a funeral more personal:  

• Create a photo wall with a selection of photographs of your loved one 
• Leave a memory book for mourners to sign with their favourite memories  
• Hand out seeds to mourners that they can plant in their garden as a living tribute
• Personalise the music by picking your loved one’s favourite songs 

You could also decorate the Service Hall with things special to your loved one – like this family did at one of our Parks: 

“We had a burial service for a lady in her 90s who was well known in Grayshott village for cycling around on her tricycle and being very active in the area. She was also a great quilter, and her family brought all her quilts and bunting which we used to decorate the hall. Her famous tricycle also played a part! Her service was a wonderful celebration of her life and the family were very pleased that it was so personal and special.” 

If you’d like to arrange a more personal funeral for yourself or a loved one, speak to a friendly and knowledgeable member of the GreenAcres team and we’ll do everything we can to accommodate your wishes.  

Children deal with loss in many different ways. Particularly since the death of Her Majesty the Queen and the war in Ukraine, children of all ages have been asking more questions about bereavement and what happens after someone dies.

Though it’s natural to worry about saying the wrong thing, speaking to children about their thoughts and feelings after the death of a loved one is an important thing to do. After all, they’re just as affected by death as we are. Plus, children’s imaginations run wild, causing unwarranted stress and fear.

You may not know where to begin – and that’s okay. This blog will help you navigate the process and show you how to talk to children about grief.

Be honest about what has happened

The first – and arguably most important – step is to explain what happened honestly and clearly. Use plain language the children can understand. For example, it’s better to say, ‘someone has died’ rather than ‘passed away’ or ‘gone to sleep’. The latter will only confuse them.

Depending on the children’s age, creating stories to help them relate to the situation may help. During this time, let them ask as many questions as they need. It’s important that you answer truthfully, but try not to overburden them with information. Giving short, to-the-point answers will help them process what’s happened.

Remember, the conversation about death is an ongoing one. Try to be as willing as possible to answer questions when they have them. Children ask questions at the most random times, but accommodate them as best you can.

Offer reassurance

After experiencing a death, children often worry about their friends and family dying. While you can’t make promises about the future, you can reassure them that they’re loved and will always have someone to care for them should the worst happen.

It’s best not to go into too much detail about this. As we’ve mentioned, children’s imaginations often get the better of them, so be careful not to put scary ideas into their heads. Instead, shower the children with love and affection and spend time doing fun things with them – like painting and baking – to take their minds off their worries.

Don’t hide your feelings

Children are incredibly observant and will pick up on your feelings, even if you’re careful not to show them. Instead of hiding that you’re sad, let them see your emotions. That way, they’ll feel like they can openly share theirs without feeling suppressed. They’ll also develop a healthy relationship with death moving forward.

Give your child space to play

While talking about death is good for a child’s development, it can be an intense and upsetting experience. Children need their own space to partake in normal activities – either alone or with friends. Grief affects children differently, so don’t be alarmed if yours act like nothing’s happened. Your child’s grieving, even if it doesn’t seem like it.

Help them express their grief

Not all children like to talk about their feelings. Some find drawing or writing about how they feel more cathartic. If your child is finding it hard to talk about death, encourage them to express their grief creatively instead.

They might want to write a poem or letter to the person who’s died. Or they may prefer to paint or draw a tribute to a loved one. Creating a memory box can also help children express grief. Fill it with pictures, letters, stories and anything that reminds them of the person who’s passed away.

Worry Monsters can also help. These soft plushie toys are designed to help children express their worries. Ask your child to write a note or draw a picture of their worry and place it into the monster’s mouth. When they’re asleep, remove the note and in the morning, your child will notice that the monster’s eaten their worries. This should enable them to manage intrusive thoughts about death.

          

Let them get involved with the funeral

There are no set rules about children attending funerals. It’s up to each family to decide what’s best. However, if your child expresses a wish to go to the funeral or memorial service, you might want to consider letting them.

Funerals signify finality, which can help your child process the loss. Younger children may not understand what’s happening, but older children may take comfort from saying their goodbyes surrounded by their friends and family.

Remember, you’re not alone  

You never have to do any of this alone. At GreenAcres, we’re here to offer you all the support you need. Join us at one of our monthly Bereavement Groups or remembrance events to meet others who can relate to how you feel over a cup of tea and slice of cake. We promise you a warm welcome and friendly ear whenever you need it.

Hope Again is another excellent resource where young people can learn how to cope with grief and feel less alone. There’s lots of useful information, including personal stories, grieving guides and help for parents and guardians. Similarly, Child Bereavement UK offers an abundance of resources to help parents, guardians and carers support bereaved children and young people.

You can also head over to our blog for more resources on how to deal with loss – including what to do with ashes and what to do to a person’s social media account when they die.

 

It has been a very special and busy tree planting season for GreenAcres teams! From October 2021 to March 2022, Parks across the UK have taken part in The Queen’s Green Canopy (QGC). This unique tree planting initiative marks Her Majesty’s Platinum Jubilee in 2022. It encourages people across the United Kingdom to “Plant a Tree for the Jubilee.”

The Parks have been proud to be part of creating a legacy in honour of The Queen’s leadership of the Nation, which will benefit future generations. They invited some wonderful people to plant trees from all walks of life, who shared their thoughts on what being involved in the project meant to them.

Rainford Park in Merseyside was joined in November 2021 by Lord Derby, well-known across the Liverpool area as the owner of the beautiful Knowsley Hall and Knowsley Safari.

He shared his thoughts on planting the tree at GreenAcres: “Trees are absolutely vital for our survival. Without them we would literally have no oxygen to breathe, and humanity would die. So planting trees is a fabulous legacy for this Jubilee project. Her Majesty has been like a magnificent oak tree – solid, dependable, always there acting with integrity, and has a real interest in everybody she meets”

February 2022 saw Kemnal Park in Kent welcoming local Reverend Trevor Wyatt, Chairperson of Bexley Interfaith Forum: “I believe that The Queen has been the most exemplary example of Christian service to our nation and to the wider world. She has been a figure of unity for the UK and has been able to bring people together, from across all faith traditions and none, particularly when we have faced challenging times. Planting this tree is a tangible sign of our support for Her Majesty and all she has done. It is also a sign of our commitment to act for the good of the environment and the future of our planet.”

The remaining four Parks planted their trees in March 2022. Perhaps the most moving occasion was with Sir Trevor Phillips as he joined the team to plant a tree at Epping Forest Park in Essex, the final resting place of his eldest daughter, and holds a very special place in the hearts of his family. Sir Trevor poignantly commented, “This particular location carries three separate meanings for me. First, the human race faces two great challenges: how we live with our planet and live with each other. Of course, the central mission at GreenAcres is to preserve and enhance the natural environment, and the Queen’s Green Canopy will be a huge contribution to that mission.

Second, the tree honours Her Majesty and her decades of service. Particularly her role in reminding us that we are one nation with all our diversity.

And third, this is the final home of my elder daughter and will probably be my own. Preserving our species is not just a matter of keeping our physical beings alive. It is, even more importantly, an act of memory that holds the human story alive and a marker that will encourage those who come after us to tell our stories for ages to come.”

Heatherley Wood Park in Hampshire had a fun time with the House Captains from local Grayshott CE Primary School. The House Captains enjoyed a lot the tree planting. Also, showed off some of the skills learnt from their school’s gardening and allotment club.

There was a distinctly royal feel at Colney Park in Norfolk and Chiltern Park in Buckinghamshire, which was both lucky enough to have one of The Queen’s representatives for their counties to plant the trees.

Carol Bundock, Deputy Lieutenant of Norfolk, commented on the environmental legacy of the Queen’s Green Canopy. She said, “It is a wonderful way of celebrating the Platinum Jubilee. What better place to plant a tree than here at GreenAcres Colney. A place of peace and tranquillity, with nature all around. I’ve conducted many services here as a Celebrant, and I think it totally fitting that another tree is added to the existing green canopy.”

Countess Elizabeth Howe, Lord-Lieutenant of Buckinghamshire shared her thoughts on the service The Queen had given the UK:

“She has given dedicated service to this country, the Commonwealth and the world for 70 years. Not only is she the longest reigning monarch in our history but she leaves an extraordinary legacy. She has the deepest affection and utmost respect for all, whose lives she has touched.”

The Parks will remember the people and the stories behind the planting of these special trees for years to come. And they will be there for future generations to enjoy as they grow and flourish. You can visit the new areas created at any time during Park open hours. Look out for the beautiful Queen’s Green Canopy commemorative plaques in Welsh slate marking them!

When a loved one dies, there are many things to think about – like notifying friends and family, arranging the funeral and deciding what to do with the deceased’s ashes. However, one thing that’s less commonly considered is what happens to a person’s social media account when they die.

We understand that dealing with someone else’s social accounts can be overwhelming. It’s also unlikely to be at the top of your agenda. So this blog will explain your options and guide you through the process in simple steps. 

What happens to social media accounts after a death? 

After someone close to you dies, there are three main options available to you. Before you decide, check to see if your loved one left any specific instructions about what to do with their social media accounts. Otherwise, you can take action in one of these three ways:  

Delete their social media accounts

If you’re worried about your loved one’s accounts being hacked or don’t want people to be able to interact with them, you can delete them. Doing so will permanently remove photos, videos and information stored about them on social media.  

Deactivation is permanent, so be sure to save anything you want to keep before you proceed. It’s also wise to talk to family and friends before you do anything. They will need time to raise concerns, come to terms with your decision, or save any content they wish to keep.  

To close someone’s account , you’ll need:  

• Their full name 
• A link to the profile 
• Proof of their death, such as a death certificate 
• Evidence of your relationship to the deceased 

You may also be asked for further proof, but each social media platform will advise you of what they require to carry out an account deactivation before they begin the process. 

Turn their social media accounts into an online memorial 

For some, deleting a loved one’s social media accounts feels too final. Instead of removing their digital presence, you may prefer to turn their accounts into an online memorial for friends and family to remember them by.  

Doing this keeps their photos and videos intact. But it changes how the accounts work by preventing people from interacting with them. A memorialised profile also makes it clear to visitors that the person behind the profile has passed away. 

You may find that turning their accounts into an online memorial is a good way to help you and other friends and family grieve – at least in the immediate aftermath of a loved one’s death. You can always delete the accounts later on if leaving them online becomes too painful. 

You’ll need to bear in mind that the leading social media providers, including Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, handle memorial pages differently, and not all offer the option to memorialise them. Look at their help pages for in-depth help and information. 

Here are some helpful links to point you in the right direction: 

Contact Facebook and fill out the request to memorialise form.  

Contact Instagram to request to memorialise a deceased person’s account.  

Leave their social media as it is 

You don’t have to delete or memorialise your loved one’s social media accounts if you don’t want to. Instead, you can leave them as they are. Some people find comfort from interacting with the account and seeing it pop up on the feed every now and then.  

However, this isn’t for everyone. By leaving the accounts alone, automated features – such as birthday notifications and memories – will appear on their connected friends’ feeds. This can be upsetting to see, especially if the notifications appear unexpectedly or without warning. 

You may want to make people aware of the passing by tagging the deceased in a social media post. That way, friends and followers can hide the account if it’s too painful for them to see it.  

Get support with Life Ledger 

You don’t have to deal with any of this alone. Life Ledger’s free, easy-to-use service helps simplify the death notification process by contacting all businesses (including social media) connected to the deceased. You can keep track of the progress and upload any required documents from a single place, saving you hours of time and removing the need to have the same difficult conversations over and over.  

If you need support, contact our friendly and knowledgeable team for help and guidance through this tough time. 

Writing a eulogy is a traditional way to say goodbye when a loved one dies. Also known as a funeral speech, a eulogy is given at a funeral or memorial service by someone who was close to the deceased to commemorate their life. This could be a child, best friend, mother or father.

There are no rules to what you can and can’t say in a funeral speech. A eulogy is unique to the person it’s written about, but writing one can leave those grieving feeling lost for words. We have some advice on how to make writing a funeral speech feel less daunting for those who want to remember and honour their loved one’s life.

Decide on the tone of your funeral speech

Traditional eulogies are personal, meaningful and heartfelt. They vary in tone, but they tend to be conversational to ensure that everyone attending the funeral or memorial service can understand and relate to the words being said.

Whether you choose to adopt an uplifting tone with a bit of light humour or prefer to keep the eulogy sombre and serious is entirely up to you. It also depends on the relationship you shared with the deceased.

When writing your eulogy, remember to keep in mind your audience. The last thing you’d want to do is offend or upset the mourners attending the funeral with an unsuitable tone.

Ask family and friends for their memories

Before you sit down to write your eulogy, ask family and friends of the deceased for their recollections. This will bring comfort to them during the funeral and may jog some memories they had long forgotten about, too. Brainstorming with loved ones will also give you an idea of which memories to focus on throughout your speech.

What to include in a eulogy

Perhaps one of the hardest things about writing a funeral speech is knowing what to include about your loved one’s life. While this will vary from person to person depending on their history, it’s traditional to focus on their achievements alongside a brief timeline of their life. To help get you started, you might like to talk about:

• Where the deceased was born
• The names of their parents and siblings
• Nicknames and a brief background behind them
• An overview of their childhood, including schools attended
• Academic qualifications and achievements
• Details of military service
• Marriages, divorces, children and grandchildren
• Hobbies and interests
• Interesting stories
• Detail about their personality and preferences

Introduce yourself

Before writing the main bulk of the eulogy, remember to introduce yourself. Not all mourners at the funeral will know who you are, so offer a couple of lines of context about who the deceased was to you. This will help provide background for the rest of the eulogy.

Thank people for attending

To help soothe your nerves and ease your way into the eulogy, thank everyone for taking the time out of their day to come to the funeral service. You can also use this section to express your heartfelt condolences before you start reading the rest of the eulogy. This may be the hardest part of the funeral speech, so remember to bring tissues to the front of the room with you in case you need them.

Share memories of the deceased

Many people like to dedicate the main bulk of their eulogy to sharing fond memories of the deceased. You can make your speech as personal as you’d like it to be, but focusing on stories about the deceased and the qualities that made them special is a fitting way to say goodbye. Funerals don’t have to be sombre – they can be a celebration of life, so try to maintain a positive tone throughout this section to help lift the spirits of those in attendance.

Close the eulogy with comforting words

When closing the eulogy, say your final goodbye and finish by offering some words of comfort to the other mourners. You may want to end with your loved one’s favourite poem, quote or saying. Then, conclude your speech with a final goodbye.

Keep your speech short and sweet

Try to keep your eulogy around 3-5 minutes long. This is the perfect length to keep the audience’s attention while allowing enough time to delve into detail about the deceased’s life. Speak to the person organising the funeral about how long you have and time yourself to ensure you stick to the time limit.

If you need advice about funeral planning or a friendly ear to talk to, we’re here for you. Nothing is too much trouble, so come and speak to our friendly and knowledgeable team for more information.